Energy, Come back!!!

I think one of the hardest things for me to deal with on a daily basis if the fatigue that Acromegaly causes me. There is no fatigue quite like it really. Originally I was told that my fatigue was from my severe sleep apnea so I went through all the proper testing and I was set up with a Cpap machine that forces air into my lungs allowing me to breathe through the night without my airflow and heart stopping. The first few days were great! All the sudden I had energy and felt refreshed in the morning. Wow what a difference! .......but that was short lived. Granted the fatigue is much better but it is far from gone. Every night before I go to bed I make a list of everything I need to get done the following day. I have every intention of completing my list when I fall asleep at night...but I know in my heart that it just is not going to happen.
The wall of fatigue strikes fast and hard..usually without much warning. I can feel great and be working on a project or walking through the store when it hits. There is no way to stop it, no way to control it.Just have to pray there is a chair nearby....sitting on the floor at Walmart is frowned upon. Doctors ask me to explain the fatigue to them and I tell them that it is a difficult thing to describe. It is as if, all the sudden, somebody pulls a plug and I can literally feel the energy draining from my system or as if someone has placed lead weights on my limbs.My body becomes limp, my mind starts to slow down and everything takes all my energy. Even my head seems to be too heavy to hold up. I dont know if people have noticed or not but I tend to rest my chin on my hand, elbow on table or chair after sitting for a bit or I make a fist and shove it up under my chin, letting it rest on my chest...this is simply to help hold my head up. People just think I am bored or uninterested in what is happening around me. No, I am just trying to save my head from crashing down on to the table or snapping my spine when my head gives out and falls backwards. I have hit my head on many a table and the backs of a few church pews...how embarrassing was that!
In my bathroom, the way it is set up..there is a wall next to the toilet and the vanity mirror in front of it. The wall and I have become good friends. Many a time the fatigue was so bad that I would sit down to use the bathroom and I would find myself leaning on the wall with all my weight and looking into the mirror asking myself, "what is wrong with you? Look at you, how pitiful you look right now". I was right, I was a sad sight site to see. Before I knew it..half an hour would go by. Another hour lost. Ugh.. I find this horribe fatigue robbing me of countless hours of my life. I am not happy about it but, what can I do really. Nobody seems to know the cause nor the cure. Tried caffeine, that made me sick eventually. Tried cool showers to wake me up more, that gave me colds. Even tried blasting my radio thinking the music would get me moving! Not a chance. The fatigue is relentless. It consumes every part of me. How many times have I layed in my bed counting the lines on the ceiling or watching the fan spin or..... listening to the silence of my room wondering if I fall asleep, will I ever wake up. Seems like I am so tired sometimes that I could just drift into a coma. Truth be told, there were times I had wished I did. The neighbors are used to seeing me sitting in my van for  awhile when I come home. After errands, I am too tired to even walk myself to the front door. I sit and watch my kids run up the ramp and into the house. Wondering if anyone will realize I am not there.....again.
People who do not live with this fatigue are quick to judge and quick to advise....Just get off your butt and do something, drink lots of coffee, If you were more active you would not feel like that, you're just depressed, If you would go to bed at a decent hour.., you are overreacting, if you would eat better.. quit being lazy............ AAAAhhhhhhhh I want to cry and scream and tell them they don't understand how this fatigue has a mind of it's own, how it takes me prisoner and how it possesses super powers that drain me in the blink of an eye!!! I dont want to lay around numb to the world around me, I dont want to be so tired that I can not feed my family and play with my kids. I do not want to be labeled lazy and depressed.I dont want to continuously break plans because I just can't get myself up and moving! I just want to be able to function every day. I want to wake up in the morning and know that I will not see that bed again until nighttime.