Even Pillars Crumble

I am a pillar.

 Definition of pillar; someone or thing that is considered a foundation or support.

I do not want to be a pillar today.

I am crumbling.

When a pillar crumbles it loses its strength, its stability.

It looses the ability to hold itself up.

Everything it holds up comes down with it.

I do not want to be a pillar today.

I do not want to be responsible for what I am supporting.

I can not watch myself crumble to the ground.

Nor see everything I hold up crash down upon me.

I am still standing today, but I am crumbling.

I am a pillar of strength

I am human.

I crumble.

I cry.

I rebuild.

I love to be the one whom people turn to when they are in need of a kind word, a hug, encouragement. People say they look to me because I am a pillar of strength. A strong woman.

They say, "I wish I were half as strong as you" "I have never met anyone as strong as you" "Your strength is an inspiration" "I don't know how you have survived what you have and still smile".

 My strength came at a cost...trials, tribulations.

 I worked hard for my strength. I am proud of my strength.....but not today.

Today, I do not want to be strong

I do not want to hold anything up

I want to crumble

I am weak

It has taken me many many years to learn that it is ok to fall to my knees and be weak, as long as I remember to get back up tomorrow. Life will not end because I have a moment or a day or a week of crumbling. My family will survive while I cry. My friends will survive while I get angry and scream and pound my fist on the ground to which I have crumbled. Because they are my friends and my family, they know me. They know I am a pillar of strength and I will be back tomorrow or the day after or in a week.

Pillars crumble.

They become stressed and things chip away from the surface causing them to become weak.

Pillars become weak if we do not care for them

Pillars crumble with harsh blows

Pillars fall completely when attacked, when thrown a bomb

I am a pillar crumbling

Tonight I will repair it

I will fill in the holes. I will strengthen the foundation

It is ok to be a pillar of strength. It is also ok to crumble sometimes. The world does not stop because we crumble. Our true friends and family do not walk away because we crumble. They may step back to avoid being hit by our falling debri, but they do not leave. They stand by and wait, ready to help us repair and rebuild. Even pillars need support. Never will you see a sole pillar standing.

I am a pillar

I am strong

I am happy

I am weak

I cry

I build myself up

Life tears me down

I rebuild

I am a pillar once again