The Death of a Friend, an Awakening of Sorts

 

On January 14th the world lost an angel on Earth. I lost a dear friend. The Acromegaly Community lost a hero. Tanya Angus lost her battle with Acromegaly when her heart gave out....the very same heart she used to reach out to the world to spread awareness for the rare disease that controlled her life as an adult: Acromegaly. She will be missed dearly. Her smile is engraved in my memory, her inspirational words engraved in my heart.
When I first heard of Tanya's passing I was heartbroken and in shock...the shock has worn off but my heart still hurts. I have not cried so much in years. As much as I loved Tanya and admired her, not all the tears were for her. I began to realize that I also cried for those with acromegaly that are still fighting and suffering, wondering how this news would affect them. Were they in tears too? Would their depression take hold of them and draw them further in? I didn't sleep at all the first night after the news. The second night I finally fell asleep around 4:30 am...no longer had I fallen asleep, I was awakened by a shortlived dream of me seeing bright lights at the end of a tunnel and hearing Tanya call my name. Scared me so much I ripped off my cpap mask and literally jumped right out of my bed ,shaking and once again crying. I was so exhausted that day and I don't think that it was until that night that I realized why I was not sleeping. Like Tanya, I had a TIA in my sleep about three years ago. I woke up to half of my face drooping and by the time I got to the Emergency Room my right side began to feel heavier and heavier. I was terrified. How could this happen? How could I not feel a mini stroke happening? Well that was back before my severe sleep apnea was diagnosed. Without my cpap machine, I stop breathing and my heart stops for brief periods. When I had that TIA, it took me months before I was able to sleep through the night again. I was afraid to sleep for fear that I would have another mini stroke and maybe not be so lucky the second time. Hearing that Tanya died after a TIA during the night had brought back the memories that I had tried so hard to bury in my mind. I was afraid to sleep again. The common sense side of me said, I am not Tanya. Each person is different. Each case is different, but of course my fears had already got the best of me. It was not until Karen, Tanya's mom and I spoke that I was able to calm my fears a bit, enough for me to start to sleep again. I still didn't sleep through the night but I got enough sleep to be able to function for the day. Tanya is the first person I personally know to pass away who had acromegaly.....I never want to go through that again. I miss her and think of her every day. Sadly, her death has been a rude awakening to the reality of Acromegaly for many of us. Uncontrolled acro can lead to major complications. I received several messages from friends with acro this past week expressing their fears, similar to mine. This is our reality. These are things we think about. Other people go to bed planning their next day. I go to bed praying for another day. Nothing is guaranteed in anyone's life but for those with rare diseases and severe medical conditions, we tend to see things differently from the rest of the world. We have different things to worry about.
Rest in Peace Tanya.... thank you for everything you have done for me and for everyone else with acromegaly. Love you....