.... in the form of chocolate...and sweet rolls...and Oreos...and donuts and all the others crap I know damn well I should not be eating!!!!!!!! The carb attacks are getting worse the higher my IGF1 levels climb. I am beside myself with anger. I am angry at myself over something that I really do not have complete control over. My second endo once told me that it is impossible for people with Acro to lose weight. I proved her wrong. I did not lose buckets of fat but I did lose about 15 pounds. My first endo told me that the more I try to lose the weight, the more my body will work against me because my body thinks it needs more to grow since my stupid pituitary tumor keeps secreting large amounts of growth hormones! Sadly, that does make sense. I could always tell when my kids were having growth spurts because they would eat like there was no tomorrow. Here I am at 41 years old....going through growth spurts and eating everything in sight at times. Not only does it cause me problems physically, it also causes me problems emotionally. I get so angry at myself. I used to have great self control. Now I sit down, make a diet plan, an exercise plan etc... and I just can not follow through with it. The harder I try, the more I fail. Failure never used to be an option for me.
I know it is not a physical hunger that I have. It is the inbalance of hormones...I can eat a meal and feel stuffed beyond belief yet, I immediately crave chocolate as soon as I stop eating. Mentally I know exactly what I should be doing but my body rebels against me. As hard as I try the cravings consume my every thought and literally drive me to insanity. I can not distract myself from wanting the effin chocolate! I have even been craving and eating food I hate...like parmesan cheese, coconut even peanut butter which I am allergic too and could put me in the ER. The other night I ate ice cream because it had chocolate in it! I knew damn well that I can not eat dairy products and it would make me deathly ill but I could just not stop myself. I sat there and cried with each bite I took and then spent the night in the bathroom with a swollen belly, diarrhea and vomiting....all because my body demanded the chocolate. Lord, what the hell is happening to me? Who is this person? This is not me. Sherry is strong and has will power and loves to eat healthy. I am so disappointed in myself even though I am not really fully to blame. The inner struggle is creating depression and anxiety within me.I pray this will stop soon. The last time my IGF1 levels were completely uncontrolled, I weighed over 300 punds. I can not go back to that time of my life.
I hate this disease.
I hate not having control.
I hate the mental struggle with food.
Sugar is my enemy...Acromegaly must be Christian because it is teaching me to love thy enemy!! I consume sugar foods and it makes me feel worse, causes more pain and more swelling. Makes my sugars out of whack (remember I am diabetic). The more sugar I consume, the more infections I get. I am fighting three right now thanks to my week long binge because I attempted to quit all sugar for four days. This is almost like having a split personality, trying to deal with this disease. It is Sherry against Acro-Sherry. I am losing right now but I will win. This disease can not have me.
The sugary snack foods have been used up and what is left has been hidden by my children with strict instructions not to give it to me even if I throw a tantrum! They like this power, but that's ok. Someone needs to have some control around here!
With the help of my fellow Acro cravers I will beat this too. Together we are stronger ♥
You struck a note with the weight and I'm scared as heck about going back there too! I don't want to go through that again! :*( It was one of the low points in my life, who am I kidding? Lowest for sure! I tried to fight it by going to the gym 3 times a week, finally signed up with a trainer, 3 times a week. I gained weight AND inches all over! Everything was off the charts. So depressing to not fit into the same size as last year and having to find bigger sized clothing. Again!
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